


for him.

by hansolstice



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Gyuhao, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please Don't Hate Me, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Smut, Troye Sivan References, based on blue neighbourhood album, broke, college students, jeongcheol - Freeform, main verkwan, more ships eventually, soonwoo, verkwan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-04-27 04:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14417478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansolstice/pseuds/hansolstice
Summary: sickeningly sweet like honey don't need moneyall I need is youyou, you.





	1. bite

**Author's Note:**

> hi! quick disclaimer this has smut in it and i've never written smut before so sorry  
> I recommend y'all listen to the song before reading the chapter, so you know the general vibe  
> bite-troye sivan
> 
> this has also not been proofread

 

 

**“Don’t you wanna see a man up close? A phoenix in the fire? So kiss me on the mouth and set me free, but please don't bite.”**

 

Seungkwan stood ever so helplessly at the door. -Mingyu, you need to get out. NOW.- He shouted basically, banging at the door. 

he was currently on his second semester in Pledis University, alongside his best friend, Mingyu, who was also on his second semester. 

he cherished Mingyu as something more than a friend, he was like family to him, but right now, he really wanted to kill that asshole. 

-KIM MINGYU IF YOU DON’T OPEN THE DOOR IN THREE SECONDS I WILL KNOCK IT DOWN- He kept shouting until Mingyu opened the door, very nonchalant and unbothered.

-There’s still some hot water, if that’s what you’re worried about.- Seungkwan was officially late for the third time this week now.

-I told you not to have any morning classes, kwannie. You brought this on yourself.- 

Seungkwan was practically breaking the doorknob because of how hard he was holding it -Yes! Thanks Mingyu if it wasn’t for your OUTSTANDING intelligence i would’ve never been in this situation!- Mingyu looked confused, but smiled and proceeded to dry his hair.

Seungkwan turned the shower on and got inside, closing the door before doing so. He was halfway through when he heard Mingyu on the outside -Kwannie I meant to ask you something, you know, before I left- Seungkwan peeked out -What. Make it quick.- Mingyu scratched the back of his head and looked around -I need you to come to a party with me tonight- 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. -You need me? How? Why would you need my “boring” ass according to you, with you, at one of your “fun” parties?- Mingyu just laughed. -Don’t get pressed, i just need someone to make me company- Seungkwan nodded. -Yeah, okay whatever, just get out, i still need to shower- Mingyu’s eyes lit up -ahh thanks kwannie! I knew i could count on you! Now there’s only one problem.. \- 

Seungkwan peeked out again, making a motion as in ‘I’m listening’ 

-It’s kinda a gay pride party- Oh yeah. That.

Seungkwan loves Mingyu, he really does, but Mingyu always talked about how “great” his gay life is, and how many new friends he has and all the times he gets dicked, but honestly, Seungkwan isn’t into it.

He’s straight, and it’s a little weird for him to always listen to Mingyu complaining about who did him good or not, and it really puts him in the spot so, he doesn’t really think twice about his next move.

-No. I change my mind. I’m not going, sorry gyu.- Mingyu immediately brought out his ultimate weapon, puppy eyes.

-Please, please, please, I swear it’s not only gay people! Everyone who’s anyone is going and we HAVE to be there! Please, do this for me kwannie, only this time, please?-

Seungkwan really couldn’t say no to his puppy eyes.

-Fine. But I won’t do any gay shenanigan-

Mingyu practically squealed -I love you so much I owe you BIG TIME. It starts at 9 at the Windsor Penthouse, dress cute! I’m off, love you!-

Before Seungkwan could say anything, he heard the front door slam and he knew he was all alone. He sighed, and continued with his shower.

 

 

_ Time skip _

 

 

-Okay. Look, Seungkwan when I said “dress cute” I meant like, actually try, not throw in the first shirt and pants you see- Mingyu said, eyeing him weird. It was 8:30 and Seungkwan was struggling. 

He thought he looked appropriate, that was of course until MIngyu arrived looking like a million dollars and a gay king both combined.

-Well, you could always lend me some of your clothes, you know?- MIngyu just shrugged -I mean yeah you could take some, but you’ll look oversized and awkward; well, more than what you already do of course.-  Seungkwan mocked his face and tone.

-Anyways, I think you’re okay like that, we gotta go now, before it’s too late- Seungkwan checked the time, -it’s 8:35 Mingyu, i think we’re okay in time- Mingyu laughed while fixing himself in the mirror -kwannie we are around 20 blocks away and neither of us has any über money so I suggest we leave now if we wanna make it fashionably late.- 

Seungkwan sighed but agreed, they barely had any money to eat cheap noodles let alone order an über for an expensive area. So they both made their way of the dorm, and to the party. 

 

When they got there, Mingyu fixed his outfit for what seemed the hundredth time since they left the dorm. 

-Mingyu, you look good. I really don’t know why you’re so nervous though, you always party.- Mingyu laughed nervously -Yeah. I guess you’re right. Anyways, let’s go now.- They went inside the hotel and straight to the elevators. It was a short trip to the top, where a big door with a lot of people and loud music was revealed. 

Seungkwan heard Mingyu curse under his breath -What’s wrong?- Mingyu ignored Seungkwan and took out his phone -Hey, yeah, we’re outside, yeah cool. Cool yeah we’ll see you here. Thanks man.- -Who was that?- Seungkwan asked, intrigued. -A friend. Let’s wait for him here.- Seungkwan fiddled his thumbs, waiting anxiously for this “friend”. 

A few minutes passed and a tall figure, around Mingyu’s height was revealed. -Hey Mingyu!- Mingyu turned around and smiled -Jun! Hi! This is Seungkwan, my friend I was telling you about- Jun eyed Seungkwan and chuckled -Oh! The straight one?- Mingyu nodded, giving me a shy smile, and earning a glare from Seungkwan’s side.

-Anyways, you must be tired of waiting so let’s go inside already.- Jun made way for the three of them to pass through freely. 

The music got louder the more they got into the penthouse, and the harder it was to see clearly, making Seungkwan confused and a little nervous. He wasn’t new to the party scene, but this one just seemed.. Different. 

He took his time to adjust, not realizing Mingyu had been waving his hand in front of him -Seungkwaan?? Earth to kwannieee?- Seungkwan left his trance and turned to Mingyu -sorry, sorry. What’s up?-  Mingyu flashed a smile -Is it okay if you roam alone for a while? There’s somewhere I need to be.- Before Seungkwan could answer Mingyu left, again. He does that a lot, Seungkwan thought. He looked around, finding a couch and chips beside it, and went and sat down. 

 

It had been like, 15 minutes, before he heard somewhere whisper to him -This is a gays only event, go home.-

Seungkwan got startled, and turned around to see a very smiley, hazel-eyed boy, with wavy hair and a lot of body glitter. Seungkwan tried to figure out the meaning of this boy’s words, but meanwhile, he stared at him, in awe. Not awe, he thought, more of like, curiosity. 

-I’m sorry for not being gay i guess? Do I really need to go?- The boy looked confused.

-Huh? Wait you’re straight?- Seungkwan nodded. -Then why are you here?- The boy sat down and took the chips from Seungkwan’s lap.

-well, my friend is gay and told me to come here with him.- the boy looked around. -And where is he?- Seungkwan sighed. He was alone. -He is, uh, well, in the restroom I guess.-

The boy didn’t believe him, but shrugged. 

-Well straight boy, this is my party, and if you wish to stay you need to do something.- Seungkwan rolled his eyes. -what?- the boy looked around, touching his chin as if he was thinking of something. 

-Well, you need to kiss me.-

 

-Kiss you?- Seungkwan asked, very mortified.

-I’m straight, s t r a i g h t. I don’t kiss boys.- the boy smirked.

-well, have you ever kissed a boy?- Seungkwan shook his head. 

-and have you ever kissed a girl?-

Seungkwan also shook his head. He’d never kissed anyone. in his 20 years of life, Seungkwan had never had any physical contact with someone that was ever so slightly sexual. 

The boy’s eyes were wide, very wide at the moment -Wait you’ve never kissed anyon- Seungkwan covered the boy’s mouth -SHH, no one knows that.- 

The boy moved Seungkwan’s hand away.

-Hey, I won’t tell anyone, but, think about it, if you kiss me now, you will have kissed not only someone but a boy so that's two birds in one stone don’t you think?- Seungkwan hated himself for considering it. 

-It is. But there’s a whole bird there that i never wanted to kill anyways.- 

The boy came closer to Seungkwan, as he went further away, even though he really couldn’t. -I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, but I think it's a good idea.-

Seungkwan saw the drink the boy was holding and took it, gaining a weird look from the boy -HEY that's mine!- Seungkwan downed the drink, not even having time to guess what was in it. -If I kiss you, you won’t tell anyone right? And I get to stay here?- The boy nodded, looking straight to Seungkwan’s lips. Oh god I’m really doing this aren’t I? Seungkwan thought. 

Seungkwan licked his lips, closing his eyes, not really knowing what to expect from this colorful boy.

Said boy took Seungkwan’s hair in his hands, pulling him closer, both breaths combined in one, and took the leap. 

It felt awkward at first, being Seungkwan’s first kiss, but the boy took the lead, making both of their lips mix and fit as much as they could, and before any of them could go any further, Seungkwan pushed back and stared at the boy, panting slowly from the loss of breath. 

-That was.. Something.- The boy smiled -It was? Did you like it?- Seungkwan didn’t know what to say, he didn’t really know if he liked it or not, but he did know that right now he wanted to kiss the boy again. -What’s your name?- The boy asked, staring down at Seungkwan’s hands. -Seungkwan, and yours?-

 

-Hansol.-

 

They both kept kissing in the couch, not really worrying about who stared or talked behind their back, they were really busy with each other to care, right now the only thing on Seungkwan’s mind was who was this boy and what made him so tempting and addictive. -Seungkwan- Hansol said, in between kisses -Do you think that- Hansol pushed Seungkwan away for a bit.

-Do you think that, kissing me is making you confused?- 

Seungkwan pushed that away, not wanting to have that thought in his mind, and shrugged. - I don’t really care right now. I’m okay doing this so I think we shouldn’t stop for a deep conversation now. \- 

Hansol smiled and pulled Seungkwan back in. 

They stayed like that for a while, making out and making pointless questions to each other, all answered by the need to kiss each other,

but Seungkwan was a little worried inside, of who could be there, and who could see what was going on with them, and he got paranoid, and pulled back. -Ah, sorry I-I got scared.- Hansol smiled softly, this boy really only knew how to smile, Seungkwan thought.

-It’s okay. If you want to we can um, go to a bedroom, there’s plenty here you know?- Seungkwan nodded, and Hansol stood up, taking Seungkwan by the hand, leading him to an empty room. 

 

Hansol opened the door, turning on the lights and closing the door behind him.

-Is this better?- Seungkwan nodded. 

Hansol got closer to him, holding his waist, only for Seungkwan to grab Hansol’s hands and placing them in his neck, and his own hands on Hansol’s waist -Oh. Is this how you roll Seungkwan?-

Seungkwan didn’t understand a word that came out of Hansol’s mouth, so he just shut him up. 

Hansol was against the wall with Seungkwan pushing him against it, kissing him passionately. 

It stayed like that for a while, until a sound escaped Hansol’s mouth, making Seungkwan pull back really fast  -fuck um, did I kill the mood?- 

Hansol asked, shyly covering his mouth -Weirdly enough, I think you made it better- 

Seungkwan said earning a smile from Hansol. Seungkwan went in once again, but this time making his destination Hansol’s neck, where he kissed and sucked and nibbled, earning all types of noises from Hansol, that at this point were making Seungkwan go crazy, and hard as well, which only further confused him, but he pushed those thoughts away.

The only thing that mattered right now was Hansol, and how hot he sounded.

Hansol’s hands started to roam Seungkwan, going lower, until they reached a place Seungkwan had been dreading.

-Let me fix this for you okay?- Hansol asked, slowly pushing Seungkwan back on the bed, making him sit down. -A-Ah, o-okay-he  tried to say; all that came out were mumbles and weird moans.

Hansol kneeled down in front of Seungkwan and looked at him -Are you sure this is okay?- Seungkwan nodded eagerly, helping Hansol undo his pants, careful not to come before even being touched. Hansol took Seungkwan’s dick and licked the tip, earning a moan from Seungkwan

-Are you close already?- Hansol chuckled to which Seungkwan shook his head quickly.

Hansol went back and started to suck on Seungkwan’s dick, bobbing his head up and down, with the help of his hands, and Seungkwan kept moaning incoherent things that Hansol couldn’t really pick up, but he kept going

-I-I’m c-close- Seungkwan moaned out, and Hansol kept sucking, this time faster to help Seungkwan out. 

It didn’t take long before Seungkwan came, and Hansol swallowed every single bit of his cum, enjoying the view of a panting, sweaty Seungkwan. 

Before Seungkwan could stand up Hansol crawled up to him, whispering something in his ear.

-Seungkwan, can you fuck me?- Seungkwan stared at Hansol wide-eyed 

-I’ve never d-done anything like that- Hansol stroked Seungkwan's hair 

-It’s okay, i’ll walk you through it.-

And he did. 


	2. ease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan has boy troubles

**“Take me back to the basics and the simple life, tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease”**

 

Seungkwan woke up to light and and an uncomfortable feeling in his head. All the memories from last night started to flow back in mind, making him turn around frantically, looking for Hansol. -Hansol?- he asked, really hoping for an answer. His phone buzzed, making him turn around to it and grab it, looking at his notifications

 

131 missed calls from mingew

 

mingew: dude

mingew: where r u

mingew: i looked everywhere  this isn't funny

mingew: im leaving u

mingew: im @ the dorm feel free to call whenever

 

Shit. Seungkwan cursed under his breath and quickly stood up and dressed himself, still looking for any sign of Hansol.

 

Seungkwan heard some noise coming from outside of the room so he opened the door, expecting to find Hansol but finding a whole different scene instead.

 

-Uh.. hi?- Seungkwan said, confused as to why the cleaning lady was already inside, cleaning the hotel room.

 

-Hi young man! I'm sorry for intruding, i knocked several times and received no answer so I thought the room was empty- Seungkwan was even more confused.

 

Did Hansol leave? Did he really just go without even saying thanks? -Um, you didn't happen to see another boy here right?-

the lady shook her head -not really, was he your friend?-

-something like that yeah. anyways thank you-

the lady smiled and kept cleaning.

 

Seungkwan took his things and went out the door, taking his phone to call Mingyu. -oh so now you're calling me? You owe me big time dude- Seungkwan scoffed. -I don't owe you anything, besides, I think I got my punishment all by myself.-

-huh? what do you mean?-

-I woke up at the hotel. All by myself -

-you sound sad about that... were you not supposed to wake up alone?-

-I'll tell you when I get home.-

-cool. See you here!-

-Wait Mingyu no-

 

And Mingyu hung up. Seungkwan sighed and stepped out of the hotel, making his way to the dorm. He checked his phone, to see all the missing notifications and found a very curious note on it.

 

_Seungkwan! ! When u wake up I'll b gone, sorry :( anyways, thanks for tonight u were great ;) we should do that again sometime_

_ps i added my phone on ur contacts so if ur ever feeling gay just call me_

_hansol xx_

 

So he didn't go completely, Seungkwan thought. He smiled to himself, still confused as to who this boy was and why he made him feel so good inside. He kept walking, asking himself what was he doing and why he couldn't stop thinking about Hansol.

 

-Seungkwan!! You're back that's great!- Mingyu said, opening the door to reveal two other guys with him. -Oh um.. hi.- Mingyu quickly realized what Seungkwan was seeing and explained -Oh! Well this is Jun, you met him yesterday, remember?- Seungkwan nodded. -And this is Minghao, you didn't meet him.

 

\- Minghao stood up and held his hand out -Hi, I'm Minghao.- Seungkwan shook his hand and sat down on his bed. -So did you three.. sleep here?- Mingyu nodded and sat down as well. -we're really not important right now, where were you last night? I literally asked everyone in the party if they'd seen you and no one knew who you are so I gave up.-

 

Seungkwan sighed and brushed his hands through his hair. -I.. i hooked up with someone.- Mingyu's eyes went wide. -how on EARTH did you find a straight gIRL at a gAY PARTY?- Jun whispered something to Mingyu, to which he answered by gasping and covering his mouth. -Seungkwan, did you hook up, by any chance, with a gUY?-

 

Seungkwan looked at the floor, not answering Mingyu's question. He didn't know why he was so scared to answer, Mingyu is gay after all, he wouldn't judge Seungkwan, right? All this thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. -Kwannie, what happened last night?-

 

-I hooked up with a guy.-

All three of them stared at Seungkwan , confused. -Wait, but weren't you straight?- Jun asked, scratching the back of his head. -I am! I just.. I didn't know what I was doing.- Mingyu stood up and started to roam around -well who is this guy? Does he have a name?- Seungkwan nodded -Yeah. Hansol.-

 

All the attention went to Minghao who had been awfully quiet, when he almost choked on his own spit -H-hansol? Are you serious?- Seungkwan nodded,

 

-Do you know him?-

-Yeah. But it can't be my Hansol. That'd be bad.-

-Bad? How? My Hansol wasn't bad-

-Seungkwan, how was your Hansol dressed?-

-Hmm well he had a loose black tank top and a lot of body glitter, like rainbow freckles and all.-

Minghao's mouth dropped open and he brushed his hair with his hands.

 

-It's the same Hansol. Oh god I'm so sorry Seungkwan.- Sorry? Why was Minghao apologizing for?

-Why are you apologizing? Did he do something? Oh my god is he dead?- Minghao quickly shook his head and sat besides Seungkwan. - No no no no!  Nothing like that. The thing is, Hansol doesn't really do love you know? He's more of a one night stand thing so he won't ever speak to you again.-

 

Seungkwan's heart dropped. Why was he so sad? He should've expected that. But still, he immediately felt like he was missing something, missing someone. Maybe the message Hansol left gave him too many expectations. That asshole.

-Oh. Well, it's okay, I really didn't think about seeing him again.-

 

Jun gained interest from that, making a weird face from Seungkwan's comment -You don't look okay though?- Seungkwan glared at Jun. -I am okay! I'm just tired. Now will someone explain why you three are here together?-

 

Mingyu stopped walking around the small dorm and looked at Seungkwan. -it's not rocket science kwannie, we had sex.- Seungkwan was taken aback by the sudden comment. -Oh, like, the three of you? At the same time?- Jun nodded -Yeah.- Seungkwan was still confused but decided not to push it.

 

The rest of the day was spent with Seungkwan thinking about what had happened. Was he gay? If he didn't think he was gay why was he so confused? What did Hansol do to him that was now making him feel strange? He felt so confused and weird, like he needed to find out something. But he fell asleep before even trying, So the questions would be answered another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope yall enjoyed uwu comment and share xx


	3. cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back

  


  


**“I was just trying to be cool, I was just trying to be like you. I'm a spark and you're a boom, What am I supposed to do?”**

  


A week had passed after that little eye opening experience Seungkwan had, and instead of trying to solve whatever he was going through he decided to just drown self-pity. “Seungkwan you know you can’t avoid the topic forever right?” Mingyu asked him sitting down besides Seungkwan. “Mingyu you know you can’t be this fucking pushy and annoying forever right?” Mingyu just rolled his eyes, and stood up heading out of the dorm “well if you’re not going to think about it the least you can do is get up and go to class” Seungkwan sighed loudly and got up, making awkward grunting sounds that made Mingyu glare at Seungkwan “okay well i’m off now. Good luck in class today! Please go to class today!” Mingyu then left leaving Seungkwan by himself. He took a quick shower, got dressed and grabbed his bag, and left the dorm aswell. He decided to head to the nearest coffee shop since his next class started in an hour. 

  


When he got there, he made his way to the front and found the barista, Joshua, someone who Seungkwan always talks to when he comes to this cafe. “Hi kwannie! The usual?” Seungkwan nodded, taking his  wallet out. “You look kinda drained, everything okay? My shift ends in 10 we can talk about it.”  _ I really don’t want to tell him but Joshua is gay, so he could understand, he’s also not a huge dickhead like Mingyu so he might actually try and help me out, and in the end, i really need to get this out before it eats me alive,  _ Seungkwan thought. “Yeah, yeah that’d be cool. Thanks Joshua.” Joshua smiled before taking Seungkwan’s money and heading to prepare his drink. 

  


“Okay so, i’m all ears.” Seungkwan sighed before letting everything out. “Okay so, here goes nothing. Last week i met someone at a party, and we kinda hooked up, and then i woke up and they were gone and now i’m confused” Joshua scratched his head in confusion “Let me see, you messed around with someone and you’re confused because you’re.. attached? Or am I missing something?” Seungkwan was close to banging his head against the table but decided not to, saving some cells from their ultimate death. “No, look, I hooked up up with someone I shouldn’t have and now i’m confused because should i ?” “Kwannie I think i’m a little bit more confused than you are, who did you hook up with?” Seungkwan sighed and slammed his head on the table “Sorry kwannie, i’m just trying to help you out” Seungkwan looked up, “I know. I know, i’m sorry. It’s just really hard for me to say his name.” Joshua’s expression changed drastically and he took Seungkwan’s head and sat him down correctly. “Did you say ‘His’ ? Seungkwan I thought you were straig– oh. I get it now.” Seungkwan made weird hand motions and ran his hands through his hair “See, that’s why i’m confused. This guy has me fucked up and I’ll never see him again.” “Maybe it’s for the best kwannie. This boy was only your eye opener, not necessarily your future husband. But you shouldn’t rush things. Take your time and think about how you feel and why. And i’m always here.” Seungkwan really felt like crying. Joshua had made seungkwan feel safe and comfortable, and he really helped sorting things out. “Now, care to tell me who the lucky guy was?”

  


And like fate, the lucky guy entered the cafe. Seungkwan’s eyes widened and his mouth almost dropped to the ground when he saw Hansol walk in, looking half asleep and very cute, if Seungkwan had to be honest. Joshua noticed his reaction and gave a little nudge to Seungkwan while whispering “You’re staring. Is that him?” Seungkwan nodded. Joshua mouthed a little ‘oh’ Hansol was in line, checking his phone, and Seungkwan decided to take a leap of faith and leave, except that things really don’t workout for him, ever, and now he’s laying in the floor, sprawled out with coffee all over him, at Hansol’s feet. Hansol stared at him and then flashed the biggest smile ever, which made Seungkwan even angrier. Hansol lowered himself and helped Seungkwan up, staying eye-level with each other. 

  


“Hey you” Hansol said, still smiling. “Hey you? Hey yoU? Is that all you’re gonna say?” Hansol giggled and stood up, holding Seungkwan’s hand so he could stand up aswell. “Didn’t you see my note? I thought I left a note, did I not leave a note?” Seungkwan rolled his eyes and let go of Hansol’s hand. “You did. But that doesn’t erase the fact that you left me to die in that hotel room. Plus, we’re not done yet.” Hansol raised his eyebrows “We aren’t?” Seungkwan quickly realized how that sounded and waved his hands frantically. “NONONO I meant like, you did this so you need to help me” Hansol looked confused and made his way to sit in the table where Seungkwan was sitting before. “Help you? What do you mean? What did I do? I didn’t spill the coffee, you did that yourself so I don’t see why you’re blaming me.” Seungkwan also sat down, since Joshua had bolted out of the cafe, and tried to clean himself with a napkin. “I mean, that ever since you and me, we, uh– ever since THAT happened, I’ve been really confused so therefore you need to help me figure things out.” Hansol looked confused, as if trying to piece things together. “This doesn’t make sense, why do I need to help you? Didn’t I already help enough? I mean I made you realize you like dick what else do you want?” Seungkwan grunted and stood up. “You don’t GET IT I need someone that isn’t my shitty friends to tell me what to do, see, if i do turn out to be gay, what’s next? Where do I go? Who do I hang out with? Do I get a boyfriend? All that.” Hansol stood up, making Seungkwan feel a little sad, and alone, again. “Look, i’m sorry for leaving, I really am, but you can’t expect a complete stranger like me to tell you how to live your life, Seungkwan.” Seungkwan stood up as well, taking his bag this time. “You had my DICK IN YOUR MOUTH HANSOL WE ARE NOT STRANGERS” At that point everyone in the coffee shop was staring which made Seungkwan flush red and Hansol stressed. “Seungkwan i always have dicks in my mouth, i’m sorry if you thought this could go somewhere, but i’m not really like that. Good luck on figuring out stuff, though.” And with that Hansol stepped out of the cafe, leaving Seungkwan red, embarrassed, and alone, again.

  
  


Hansol left the coffee shop to further avoid any awkward conversation with Seungkwan. He really didn’t want to see him again but fate really knows its ways. Ever since his party last week, all he had been thinking about is the little straight blonde boy who really knew how to fuck someone, and it sucked. Hansol wasn’t someone who could go around thinking about others that way, it messes with his own personal brand, the ‘fuckboy’ brand, even though he isn’t even close to becoming one. 

  


Truth is, he’s just really scared of falling in love and then getting his heart broken, like last time, and Seungkwan wasn’t helping by, well, existing in general. It wasn’t really the first time he’d heard or seen Seungkwan, he was actually pretty familiar with him, but not really up close, but from a relative distance.

  


He never went up to him because he knew he was straight, or well he thought he was straight, and when Hansol spotted him at the party, he thought that that was the only chance he could ever get to talk to Seungkwan, of course he didn’t plan for the night to end the way it did, he also didn’t plan for them to cuddle or for Hansol to wake up earlier than usual and spend an hour just staring at how beautiful Seungkwan is, and finally he didn’t really plan to run away leaving Seungkwan alone. 

  


But today, seeing him literally at his feet covered in coffee just made him feel even worse. He actually liked this guy, and after a week of not seeing him around campus, he felt like the feeling wasn’t real and it was just something that would go away with time, but, he was really falling for someone that he had only met once, a stranger practically. Hansol was falling for a stranger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im not really happy with this but ill b writing more yay


	4. lost boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hansol's mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small disclaimer: this chapter has small mentions of death and homophobia at the end, very small but there

“I’m just a lost boy, not ready to be found”

 

“HANSOL YOU NEED TO COME LIKE NOW I THINK SOONYOUNG HAS FINALLY LOST HIS MIND” Hansol rubbed his eyes and stood from his bed, after listening to Seokmin’s cry for help. He went down to see Soonyoung, his roommate, completely naked holding a cereal box and pointing at Seokmin with a spoon. Hansol ignored Seokmin’s pleading stare and went to the kitchen to make himself something to eat. Seokmin quickly followed Hansol and started begging for his help “Hansol Hansol Hansol please he’s gonna kill me i’m young i’m not ready to die, IM STILL A VIRGIN this can’t happen to me SOONYOUNG DO NOT PUT THE CEREAL BOX NEAR YOUR DICK please Hanso–” “FINE. Soonyoung care to explain what the fuck are you doing?” Soonyoung, his other roommate sat down in the nearest chair and started eating cereal out of the box.

 

“Well. First of all you know how much i like my stuff to be mine right? Right. So guess WHO i found earlier today munching like it’s NO BIG DEAL on MY CEREAL with MY SPOON that I BOUGHT with MY MONEY” Soonyoung waited for Hansol to reply, looking at him attentively, to which Hansol sighed and replied, “who?” Soonyoung stood again, making all the cereal fall to the ground, but Soonyoung didn’t really seem to notice. “SEOKMIN. LEE SEOKMIN. I WILL KILL HIM HANSOL. LEE SEOKMIN ? YOU’RE DEAD MEAT!” Seokmin only squealed and hid behind Hansol and Hansol rolled his eyes “Soonyoung, i’ll buy you new cereal, just don’t kill minnie he’s still a virgin, poor him. And get dressed your dick looks really gross.” 

 

With that he left to go upstairs again, not even making the breakfast he wanted. Hansol didn’t hate living with two huge dorks that spent their time partying or making a mess out of everything, but he just wasn’t like that. They’ve been friends since freshman year in high school, so it was only logical to carry out the friendship here. He really cared about them, and sometimes he really worried for their well-being, but he was sure that they knew how to live and not die trying. Besides, normally he would’ve been a little bit more happy and hyper, but right now he was just tired. After everything that was going through his mind he didn’t really want to match up his friends’ attitude, he just wanted to think about, well, everything. Starting with Seungkwan, why was he still thinking about him? He was sure that he was over whatever happened with him, but Seungkwan just kept popping into his head, what was happening to him? Was he really interested in this random curious straight boy? 

 

“Hansol. Earth to Hansol. Hansoooool” Hansol snapped out of his trance and moved Sooyoung's hand out of his face, which he was currently poking. “What.” Soonyoung smiled widely, revealing his teeth, which Hansol always thought was pretty cute. “Aren’t you going to class? You’ve been laying there for like an hour.” He quickly checked his phone, 10:30. Shit. He was late, again. He quickly got up and got dressed in whatever he could find, and bolted out of the small house without saying goodbye. Hansol did have this weird habit of staying in a trance or staring at a blank space for very long, and that made him tardy almost all the time. He ran all the way to campus, and made his way to class, begging the teacher to let him and that ‘he wouldn’t be late again’ which both of them knew was bullshit. 

 

Class went by pretty slow, Hansol had to constantly wake himself up in order not to miss anything the teacher said, but even when he had his eyes straight on the board the words flew inside and out his head, leaving him confused and stressed. Hansol wasn’t hard of learning but he did struggle to keep his attention in what he should, instead he was looking around, observing his classmates and how they behaved in class. He liked observing, knowing how others act, so that way he can now how to treat others. The bell rang, meaning class was over and Hansol could go on a little break before his next class. He took his bag and went out the class, but a voice stopped him.

 

“Hansol, can you stay a little bit?” It was his teacher. “Yeah Miss Park. How can I help you?” Miss Park sat down in her desk. “Actually I was hoping I could help you, Hansol. Your grades have been dropping severely ever since this semester started, and i’m worried about you. Is there anything you want to talk about?” Fuck. Well, Hansol could fill a jar with those 365 reasons why i’m a failure with everything that has happened to him this semester. First, he went through the worst breakup ever known to history, then, he came out to practically all of his family and was left humiliated because who knew! All of his family members are really homophobic (He didn’t, of course.)  his parents then proceeded to move out of the city, leaving him alone in Seoul. His dog also died which adds a little cherry to the pie, and lastly Seungkwan. But that wasn’t important he was over him, right? 

 

“Hansol, are you listening to me? Is there something you want to talk about? I won’t judge you.” ‘I won’t judge you’ sounded really like ‘i’ll try not to judge whatever you say and laugh with the other teachers about it’. Hansol kinda hated teachers. “I’m okay. I’ll try harder next semester. Thanks for this though.” And with that, he stepped out.

 

He felt his emotions overflowing him, and tears forming in his eyes, and he only knew one person who could be capable of calming him down, so he took out his phone and dialed a number. “Sollie? What’s up?” Hansol sniffled a little before talking. “Jeonghan c-can I go to your place? I need to talk to you.” Jeonghan was like Hansol’s emotional trash bag, according to Jeonghan himself. They met at a party on first semester, where they almost hooked up but they both ended up talking about life and their own problems, so now they were like each other’s emotional support, there whenever one was at a breaking point. “Of course you can come over. There's some food and Shua already left for work so you don’t have to worry about anything.” Jeonghan knew about Hansol’s trust issues so he never wanted anyone around when Hansol was talking about himself, not even his boyfriend, Joshua, whom Hansol knew almost nothing about. “Thanks Hannie. I’ll be on my way.” Hansol hanged up before Jeonghan could say anything else, and made his way to Jeonghan’s apartment. 

 

When he arrived he didn’t even have to knock because Jeonghan was outside, waiting for him. When he saw Hansol he didn’t talk, he just pulled him into a tight hug, which made Hansol finally cry into Jeonghan’s shoulder. He was crying loudly, holding Jeonghan really tight, so that his sobs wouldn’t be as loud as they actually were. Jeonghan just rubbed circles in his back, and patted his head while whispering ‘It’ll be okay. I’m here’ Hansol really appreciated Jeonghan in a way he couldn’t really explain. They stayed like that for a while, and finally, Hansol pulled back from the hug and cleaned himself up a bit with his sleeve, with Jeonghan’s sleeve there to help as well. “Let’s go inside, okay?” Hansol nodded and followed Jeonghan inside, who was holding his hand, guiding him. 

 

Hansol was sitting down in the couch, with a blanket covering him and tea in his hands. He would much rather have coffee but he knew that Jeonghan couldn’t drink it. “So, what’s wrong?” Jeonghan asked, sitting besides him. “Well, there’s a lot of things going on through my mind right now.” Jeonghan took a sip out of his tea, waiting for Hansol to tell him everything that was bothering him. “I can’t stop thinking about, well, him.” Jeonghan mouthed a little ‘oh’ before sipping his tea again. “We used to be so happy together, you know? And I really did think I gave him my all and I thought I was a good boyfriend. I was good? Right? Because he always said I wasn’t and he always said I didn’t love him enough but fuck, Jeonghan I loved him with all I had, I gave him everything, and he left me with nothing.” Jeonghan pulled Hansol to his chest softly, and started playing with his hair. “Deary, You were the best boyfriend. If he didn’t see that it’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You’re safe now, Sollie, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.” Hansol sighed and talked again.

 

“There’s also something else. I met someone. I told you about him before, the blonde boy? Well we met and kinda, hooked up, and I left him alone because I got scared and now I can’t stop thinking about him.” Jeonghan giggled a little, ruffled Hansol’s hair. “Hansol, what you did was kinda rude, you should’ve thought about Seungkwannie first. It’s not wrong to catch feelings for someone again, you need to let your walls down and open yourself to finding someone better.” Hansol turned around to be eye to eye with Jeonghan. “One. What if Kwannie’s like him? I don’t want to get hurt again. And two. I never told you his name so how do you know his name Yoon Jeonghan?” Jeonghan quickly brought a hand up his mouth and laughed nervously. “Well, you see, yesterday Shua told me this super weird story about a kid named Seungkwan, and how you left him at a party after you two had spent quite the night together.” Hansol scoffed. “So you knew? Why didn’t you say anything?” Jeonghan ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted to hear your side of things, Sollie. I always want to be a friend you can trust, and I was trying to make it clear.” Hansol relaxed a bit, Jeonghan always had good intentions so he knew that he could trust him.

 

“Okay so, now that I know that you know, what should I do?” Both of them sat down correctly in the sofa, as in prepared for real talk. “Hansol, I love you, I really do, but, I can’t tell you what to do, you need to do what you want to do, sorry if that was confusing.” Hansol shook his head. “It wasn’t, but, I don’t know what i want to do, I mean a part of me wants to talk to Seungkwan, and ask him out, and be cute, but then the other part of me remembers that he’s straight and that the only cute thing they’d do is probably play fifa or some straight guy stuff.” Jeonghan giggled again, and stood up. “Sollie, I think that you really need to sort things out with this Seungkwan, and give him space too, you never know what’s going on in his mind, poor thing, he must be so confused. I’m glad he has Shua to talk to. The best advice giver. Anyways, I need t go shower but you’re free to stay here. Hope I was of any help today.” Hansol nodded. “You were, and I should really get going now. Thanks.” 

 

Hansol took his stuff and headed out. He decided to skip the rest of his classes, and went straight home. “Hello? Is anyone home?” He got no answer. He went to the kitchen and finally made himself something to eat. Hansol went upstairs to his room, and opened his laptop, hoping to catch up with whatever he was watching last night, but a call interrupted his plans. 

 

Unknown ID

 

“Hello? Who’s this?”

“Hansol? It’s me um Seungkwan, from the party?”

Hansol almost choked on his own spit.

“U-Uh yeah. I thought we talked? Is there something I can help you with?”

“Actually yes. Remember when you said that if I was ever feeling ‘gay’ I should call you?”

“Mhm?”

 

“Well, do you think you can come over right now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bless i finally did another one,, thanks for reading!! also comments are really appreciated!!


	5. talk me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanna sleep next to you, and that's all i wanna do right now.

It wasn’t even 7 pm and Seungkwan was already throwing up in the bathroom. “Seungkwan, let’s go home okay? You’re very drunk.” Said Jeon Wonwoo, his classmate, who was currently patting his back with one hand and covering his mouth with the other one. Seungkwan wanted to answer, but vomit was the only thing coming out of his mouth. 

Earlier that day, Seungkwan had told Wonwoo everything that was going on in his mind. Wonwoo was basically the only straight friend that Seungkwan had, and the only person that Mingyu hated, meaning that they barely talked, because of how Mingyu was used to treating Wonwoo. But this time, after hearing Seungkwan’s tragic, short-lived love story, he decided that he needed a time out, telling Seungkwan that they should go to a club, and drink a lot to get his mind off of things. Seungkwan wasn’t really up for the plan at first, given that alcohol was one of the reasons all of this mess started, but he did need to have a little fun, and stop thinking about Hansol, so he agreed to go, and now, here he is sitting on the edge of a toilet, puking his guts out. 

“Wonwoo, now I get why Mingyu fucking hates you oh god” Wonwoo scoffed and glared at Seungkwan. “I thought I told you not to drink, and Mingyu hates me for way more different reasons that you’re too dumb to understand.” Seungkwan cleaned his mouth and stood up flushing down the vomit that actually fell inside the toilet. He stood there staring at the mess he made and then walked out, Wonwoo following close behind. “Seungkwan, we should really go. I’ll drop you off.” Seungkwan nodded, putting a hand around Wonwoo’s shoulder, hoping for some balance. 

The drive back was awfully quiet. Wonwoo and Seungkwan never really hung out and Seungkwan was starting to think that they wouldn’t hang out often after this; but, he did help to clear his mind up a bit, telling him that everyone goes through an experimental phase and such, and that he shouldn’t worry much about what could happen, but that Seungkwan shouldn’t really call Hansol again, for his own good. “We’re here. Sorry for today, I really should’ve taken better care of you.” Wonwoo said, looking straight at the steering wheel. “ Don’t worry Wonwoo, I really needed to drink my mind off of things. And you did clear my head a bit, so thanks for that.” Wonwoo looked up, at him. “No problem. Oh, and, do you mind not telling Mingyu you were with me? I really don’t want to deal with him.” Seungkwan laughed and nodded “yeah, I wasn’t planning on telling him. Anyways go back to your place, and thanks for driving me back!” Wonwoo nodded and Seungkwan closed the car door. He stood there as Wonwoo drove off and sighed in relief. “It’s SO hard acting sober just to get people off your grill,” he said to himself. Seungkwan was still feeling very drunk and wasn’t really planning on sobering up soon, so he went up to the dorm, hoping no to see a very familiar face in it.

He struggled to open the door, but after a while, he managed to figure out that it wasn’t really locked, because Mingyu really is THAT stupid. He went inside and started looking around for Mingyu’s secret alcohol stash, hoping he didn’t drink it already. “Bingo.” He said to himself, again. He sat down on the floor drinking very big amounts of tequila and scrolling through a very cute dog twitter account, while crying. ”This dog.. It reminds me o-of mingyu! When he does something stupid” He said while sniffling. After looking at dogs, he checked his notifications, ang got an idea for something he would most likely regret. 

Seungkwan started looking in his contacts for a very specific someone, someone he had been trying very hard to forget, and just like destiny, he found his name right there, waiting for Seungkwan to call. He took a deep breath and dialed the number. The phone rang for a bit but someone answered quickly, before Seungkwan could rethink his choices and hang up. 

“Hello? Who’s this?”  
Oh shit, its him. Seungkwan thought.  
“Hansol? It’s me um Seungkwan, from the party?”  
“U-Uh yeah. I thought we talked? Is there something I can help you with?”  
“Actually yes.” NO! Seungkwan you big DUMMY “Remember when you said that if I was ever feeling ‘gay’ I should call you?”  
“Mhm?”  
“Well, do you think you can come over right now?”  
Shit shit shit shit. Seungkwan had really just booty called Hansol. 

Hansol took some time to think, but finally answered, “Yeah. Send me your loc and I’ll be there.”  
Seungkwan hung up very quickly. What did he just do? He was so screwed. Hansol was coming over and he was a drunk mess! Because of him! Seungkwan started to freak out, but still sent his location to Hansol, given that a part of him still wanted to see him. Seungkwan was still freaking out though, throwing all the alcohol bottles out of the window, like a fucking MONSTER! He started thinking of everything that could go wrong, and really wished for Mingyu to walk through that door, something that he very rarely wishes for. 

After his emotional breakdown, Seungkwan decided to just sit, and wait for Hansol, He was already shitfaced and sad so what else could go wrong? He waited for around five minutes, until he heard a knock on the door. Please let it be Mingyu, please let it be Mingyu please please pleaaaasee mingyu… And to his surprise, as he opened the door, it wasn’t Mingyu.

“Hey.” Seungkwan didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t even move. He just stood there, emotionless, while Hansol was staring at him in confusion “Are you okay? Why’d you call me? Seungkwan?” He said, waving his hand in front of Seungkwan’s face. Seungkwan reacted and took Hansol’s hand, guiding him inside, and sitting him on the bed. “I’m gonna kiss you know, okay?” Hansol didn’t say anything, but the moment Seungkwan went near him he put his hand on Seungkwan’s face, stopping him from coming any nearer. “Seungkwan, you are very drunk, right?” Seungkwan shook his head. “No! I’m not I just wanted to see you. And kiss you. And maybe do other stuff with you.” Hansol giggled, but didn’t move. “Seungkwan, I can smell, okay? And not only you but this whole dorm reeks of alcohol, and as much as I would love to kiss you again, I don’t want to do anything while you’re like this.” 

Seungkwan pouted and sat besides him. “Not even a peck? On the cheek?” Hansol stood up from the bed and kissed his forehead. “You should get some sleep.” Seungkwan kept pouting, and got into the bed, looking at Hansol, and then asked him, “Why are you being nice to me?” Hansol just laughed a bit. “I’m doing what every decent person would do Seungkwan, plus you’re really cute when you’re drunk.” Seungkwan kept looking at Hansol, waiting for something else to come out. “And you won’t remember any of this tomorrow.” There it is. Seungkwan smiled, and yawned. Hansol looked at his phone, and opened the dorm door. “I’ll get going now. Goodnight, stay safe. And, by the way, My offer still stands, you know? Just call me sober next time.” And with that Hansol left. 

And Seungkwan wa left feeling more confused than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back hopefully for good now. hope you enjoyed this chapter though i feel its not as good :( comments are very much appreciated !!


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